I recalled the first slap and could remember back to moments that shaped my understanding of discipline and love. My immediate thought was, “It’s okay, he’s just disciplining me, like my mom would have done.” This belief was ingrained in me from a young age—that punishment is a natural consequence of being unruly. But no one ever told me this notion excluded my husband.
For many, this experience is all too familiar. The shame and self-blame often become so powerful that they stifle any attempt to question or seek help. How could it be that I, like so many others, believed I was at fault? Twice, he called the police, claiming I disturbed his peace. Both times, and before then and thereafter, after I had called them, the officers asked if I wanted to make a formal complaint. Each time, I declined. I carried a deep-seated conviction that I deserved to be disciplined, believing the pain and bruises were the price for my perceived missteps.
The Unseen Chains of Guilt
This is a story shared by countless individuals trapped in the cycle of domestic violence. It’s the silent guilt etched deep within, long before meeting the perpetrator—the belief that punishment is a rightful response to wrongdoing in every home, whether it’s a child, a wife, a husband, or, in some homes, the vulnerable, such as the elderly. This mindset is often cultivated in homes where brutal discipline is normalised under the guise of correction.
How does one differentiate between parental authority and a partner’s abusive control? When society and upbringing have conditioned you to accept punishment, when do you recognise the abuse? How does one determine that a husband’s belt is different from a parent’s? These questions are not just theoretical; they are the lived realities of many who suffer in silence, believing that if they just change (their ways, their own behaviours), the violence will stop.
Breaking the Cycle of Silence
The voices of friends and family echo, “Why don’t you just stop annoying him?” or “If you stop upsetting him, this will end.” But this advice ignores the heart of the issue—the systemic normalisation of abuse. For many victims, the idea of seeking help is overshadowed by the belief that they are the problem.
So, what can be done to prevent men and women from enduring years of suffering, only seeking help when it becomes a life-or-death situation? Change must begin at home. Families need to critically assess the normalisation of brutal physical punishment as discipline. They may unknowingly lay the groundwork for their loved ones to endure abuse in adulthood.
Rethinking Discipline and Authority
Education alone cannot undo the deeply ingrained beliefs instilled from childhood, regardless of how many degrees or diplomas one possesses. Communities and societies must unite to tackle the effects of normalising abuse. It’s essential to create environments where children understand that love and discipline are not synonymous with pain and fear.
Charity begins at home, and so must change. By rethinking how we discipline and teach authority, we can empower future generations to recognise abuse and seek help. A little empathy, understanding, and education can transform lives. It’s time to break the silence and create a world where no one feels they deserve to suffer.
– 2wiceShy.com